A Three Second Look

The sun sets on another day, the sun surrenders to the darkness' heavy hand. At least for me, the darkness always brings on the thoughts. I think about life and love and about fate and chance. But throughout it all, I always tend to find myself thinking of how things could have been instead of how things are. I think that's my greatest issue. I always have these visions of how I wish things would be, how I wish the days would come and how I wish the nights would end, but I never seem to do or say the right things to make it all turn out that way. I waste so much time focusing on the result that I lose track of the things that I have to do to get myself where I want to be. I let fear and pain and useless pride guide me, which all only serve to impede my happiness. Maybe if I just take a step back and look at where I am going rather than where I want to be, I will be able to find who I really am. I pretend to know what I want, but the truth is, I don't think any of us really do. We have ideas and theories about what we think we want, but when it comes down to it, we are all just as blind as the next one. In my ever-widening search for self-awareness, I lost the most important thing in life; myself. And I have now seen the results of it all. By letting myself get so caught up in me, I lost the only ones that ever really mattered in my life. I lost my present worrying about my future. So here's to slowing down and breathing deeply. Here's to looking in the mirror for another three seconds. Here's to establishing a vision of "the now" instead of "the later". Here's to finding me. And maybe somewhere down the line, I will find in myself the kind of person that she deserves. I can only hope.