What Hurts the Most- Rascal Flatts

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away

And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doing it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away

And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Crash and Burn- Savage Garden

When you feel all alone
and the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
to tame your wild, wild heart

I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief
and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door
and you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash, then crash and burn
you're not alone

When you feel all alone
and a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one-way street
with the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away
and you feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash, then crash and burn
you're not alone

Because there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again

When you feel all alone
and the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash, then crash and burn
you're not alone
You're never alone

Paint My Love

"This life makes me want to take more pictures, color with crayons, and enjoy all the wonderful things life has for me."

This makes even my broken heart smile. Can you see now, all the beauty that I saw fade? All of the passion that I saw fall away? If it was me that caused it, I am so sorry, more than you could ever know. But your life is strong and your strength is great. For all of the pain I have caused in trying to let you go, I sincerely apologize. I pushed you so far just to try to convince you that you were too good for me. And now it is all that I can do just to keep your friendship. But I know that I can never let that go. I have to let you see the part of me that will never give up on you. Despite what you may think as a result of what I may have shown you, my love for you has never faltered, and neither has my respect for you. With confidence, I can promise you that it never will.
I have learned so much from you, and for this, I am forever thankful. I will regret forever that fact that I hurt you and let you down so much, but I will do all that I can to prove to you how thankful I am to have had you in my life and how hard I will work to never let you fall again. The fact that you are here makes me love you even more. You are my favorite person, I admire you, and I will forever love you.
Don't let the scars steal your beauty. The world needs your beauty. We all need your life.

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

Color the World

I hope that you can understand, this is not what I had planned
But your beauty is surely showing now, baby
and that I don't regret at all

I'd give the moon away just to tell you what's on my mind.
But you are yours now, just as I told myself you should be.
I only hope someday the chance is there to tell you how I really feel

Your colors, once faded, are now of a vivid hue
Can you still see me inside of you?
Because you are the color of my world
the one who forever has my soul
But those colors aren't mine, I know

And your smile is brightened now, baby
that beautiful shyness is back in your eyes
But that beauty isn't mine, I know

You live for life, your laugh is long
and the strength I stole from you is growing again
That strength is not mine, I know
I guess that's what I get for holding on loosely

So now, I'll hold on tighter and stand through the fire
this fire that I started trying to save you from the world
These feelings bring me even closer behind

My heart is beating faster for you, my love
I am living for your soul
My heart can never let it go
Your life colors my world

Eight Pages Later

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. A lot of reading, a lot of writing, a lot of "soul searching" I guess you could say. I replay situations in my head incessantly, thinking of things that I did wrong, things I did right, and things that I should have done differently. I cannot say that I have no regrets, because that would be lying. But I can say that I am thankful for many of the experience I have had. These experiences have brought on realizations that nothing else could have. I regret the hurting that I did, but at least now I can say that I learned from those mistakes. now, I am devoted and I am passionate. I am strong and I am weak. I am focused and I am in love.
I try to put my feelings on paper, and even eight pages later, I still can't put it all into words. I know how I feel, but I can never seem to say it confidently or show it right. And that is what I am working on. I need to be whatever she needs, whatever she wants. I need to be perceptive and open, compassionate and understanding, and distanced yet dependable. I want to give her all of the love in the world, and right now, I am going to love her as my best friend, because that is what she is. I want her to know that she can always count on me, and it is my mission to prove that to her.
As much as this has hurt us, I know that we have both learned so much. I am seeing sides of her that I was too blinded to see before, sides that bring my heart closer and closer to her. And I am seeing sides of myself that I never even knew existed, some good, some bad. I now know better what I need to do and what I need to stop doing. I am viewing this point in my life as a time of learning, changing, and growing.

Our minds teach us that we should be wary in matters of the heart. But now I know that in this life, I don't want to be wise, I want to be in love.

I'm so much like you, caught in a moment, coming unglued. In a world so big, it's not easy to choose which path to take, which pawn to move. We'll let go of everything we've ever known. You and I will ride tonight, until the past is out of sight, we don't have to look back now. We are knocking down the walls. We can stand together...

A Friend To Me- Garth Brooks

Well you and I, we're buddies
And we've been since we first met
Me and you, well, we've sure been through
Our share of laughter and regret

Lord knows we've had our bad days
And more than once we've disagreed
But you've always been a friend to me

And there's times I'd rather kill you
Than listen to your honesty
But you've always been a friend to me

You've always been, time and again
The one to take my hand
And show to me it's okay to be
Just the way I am
With no apology

Oh you've always been
And you will until God knows when
Yes you've always been a friend to me

She Will Be Loved- Maroon 5

Beauty queen of only nineteen
She had some trouble with herself
She was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window, knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
And she will be loved

Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

Syndicate- The Fray

Half way around the world lies the one thing that you want
Buried in the ground, hundreds of miles down
The first thing that arises in your mind when you awake
Is bending you until you break, let me hold you now

Baby close your eyes, don't open 'till the morning light
Baby don't forget, we haven't lost it all yet

Don't know what you're made of 'till the one thing that you want
Is coming with the dawn and suddenly changes
The Monday syndicate meets everyone the same
All we've lost to the flame, listen to me now

Baby close your eyes, don't open 'till the morning light
Don't ever forget, we haven't lost it all yet
All we know for sure is all that we are fighting for
Baby, don't forget we haven't lost it all yet

Someday when this is over
We may still have no answer
For now I just want to hold her
We are closer, we'll be closer

Baby, close your eyes, don't open 'till the morning light
Don't ever forget, we haven't lost it all yet
All we know for sure is all that we are fighting for
Baby, don't forget we haven't lost it all yet

We haven't lost it all yet
We are closer, we are closer

Happiness

I love my boy and his mommy. They came to work and saw me today. I had a great night. Wesley always seems to know the right way to make me feel awesome. And I get to spend all day with him tomorrow. Yay! :-)

Austin- Blake Shelton

This has always been one of my favorite songs. I think it's really cute. And it always makes me cry... But don't tell anyone.

She left without leaving a number
Said she needed to clear her mind
He figured she'd gone back to Austin
'Cause she talked about it all the time
It was almost a year before she called him up
Three rings and an answering machine is what she got

If you're calling about the car, I sold it
If this is Tuesday night, I'm bowling
If you've got something to sell, you're wasting your time, I'm not buying
If it's anybody else, wait for the tone, you know what to do
And P.S. if this is Austin, I still love you

The telephone fell to the counter
She heard but she couldn't believe
What kind of man would hang on that long
What kind of love that must be
She waited three days, and then she tried again
She didn't know what she'd say,
But she heard three rings and then

If it's Friday night, I'm at the ballgame
And first thing Saturday, if it don't rain
I'm headed out to the lake
And I'll be gone all weekend long
But I'll call you back when I get home on Sunday afternoon
And P.S. If this is Austin, I still love you

Well, this time she left her number but not another word
Then she waited by the phone on Sunday evening
And this is what he heard

If you're calling about my heart
It's still yours
I should have listened to it a little more
Then it wouldn't have taken me so long to know where I belong
And by the way, boy, this is no machine you're talking to
Can't you tell, this is Austin, and I still love you

I still love you

Breathless- Better Than Ezra

Here you are now, fresh from your war,
back from the edge of time
And all that you were, stripped to the bone
I thought you­'d want to know

When you feel the world is crashing
all around your feet
come running headlong into my arms, breathless
I'll never judge you, I can only love you
Come now running headlong into my arms, breathless

Lay down your guns, too weak to run
Nothing can harm you here
Your precious heart, broken and scarred
Somehow you made it through
I only ask that you won't go again

So glad to see you smiling, so good to hear your laugh
I think that you've found you even
missed yourself

When you feel the world is crashing
all around your feet
Come running headlong into my arms, breathless
I'll never judge you, I can only love you
Come now running headlong into my arms, breathless

Goodnight My Friend- Vertical Horizon

Goodnight my sun
Goodnight my friend
Rest your soul at this long day's end
The fire inside will warm our night
And loving arms will hold you tight

Dream of summer skies
Sunset is bound to each sunrise
Rest is your first right, my friend,
goodnight

This world spinning
Time always winning
The silver chains keep thinning
and this is just your beginning
Sleep my friend, at last be free
No we won't forget our merriest melody

Gone to another place
of carousel rides round an angel's face
I'm sure we'd both laugh at the sight, my friend,
goodnight

Choices

She's right. Life is all about choices. It always is, always has been, and always will be. And from now on, I choose to continue living. I choose to embrace all of the love that I have and continue being strong for the ones I love. I will always be here. Sometimes I will fall, but I have too much life left to let myself stay down. I will be the one that I was. My biggest goal now is to repair the friendship that saved me from myself. Forever is not just a word, so I will stay.

With confidence, I can promise you this;
I will always be your shoulder to lean on
If you're ever lost, I will always be here to help you find the you that I love
I will never leave your side
Sometimes I may cry with you, but I will always be here to dry your tears
You will forever be my best friend
All I have is love

"Been walking my mind to an easy time,
my back turned towards the sun.
Lord knows when the cold wind blows
it'll turn your head around.
Well, there's hours of time on the telephone line
to talk about things to come.
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground."

5:19- Matt Wertz

I'd be lying through my teeth if I told you
That I'm okay
July came, I thought I had it all together
Until you said "I need some space"
Truth be told, it's so hard to wait

One eye on the clock
And one on the phone
It's 5:19
I'm feeling alone
If I could talk to you
I'd want you to know
I'm holding loose
But ain't letting go.

We both know that I could think myself dizzy
Right now I'm spinning around
You said, "baby, don't worry"
But I just miss you right now
I said, I miss you right now

One eye on the clock
And one on the phone
It's 5:19
I'm feeling alone
If I could talk to you
I'd want you to know
I'm holding loose
But ain't letting go.

Baby, take all the time you need
I just want you to know
I'll be here, waiting

With one eye on the clock
And one on the phone
It's 5:19
I'm feeling alone
If I could talk to you
I'd want you to know
I'm holding loose
But ain't letting go

Angel- Sarah McLachlan

I know how hard it is for two people to find each other, especially when one of them doesn't want to be found. We are human, we make mistakes, we make bad decisions, we hurt those that we care about and who care about us. But at the end of the day, the only thing that is important is that we make sure that the ones that love know how much we actually care. It kills me to know that if I die tomorrow, there will be people in this world who don't know how much I truly love them. Never again will I miss another chance to say "I love you". Life is too short to live in regret, we can only hope for knowledge.

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh, a beautiful release
As memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room and the endlessness that you fear
You were pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn there's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lies that you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness
Oh, this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room and the endlessness that you fear
You were pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
May you find some comfort here

Last night, I looked back at all of my writing from the past three months. I was always so back and forth, and I can understand why she thinks I didn't ever want her back. But I can also see everywhere that I missed her. There is love and then there is hurt. There is sorrow and then there is anger. And all of the love that I had in my head and in my heart was never verbalized, at least not to her. Knowing everything I know now, I would have done a lot of things differently. I try to hate her because it's better than missing her, the anger is better than the pain. But in the end, that only made me miss her more. And it only pushed her away and made her bitter. Everything that I thought I was doing right was everything that I never should have done. And now she's gone. I lost everything. I wish I could tell her that I miss her, but just like before, I could never find the words. And especially now, I don't think she wants to hear them. She is over me, and after everything that I put her through, I don't think she could ever be in love with me again. I don't think she will ever want me back. And the fool in me who walked out, is the fool that just wont ask.
I know that we have a lot to work out, but I would be willing to do anything in my power to make our love work, to make our family work. I just wish that I could ask for another chance.

A Three Second Look

The sun sets on another day, the sun surrenders to the darkness' heavy hand. At least for me, the darkness always brings on the thoughts. I think about life and love and about fate and chance. But throughout it all, I always tend to find myself thinking of how things could have been instead of how things are. I think that's my greatest issue. I always have these visions of how I wish things would be, how I wish the days would come and how I wish the nights would end, but I never seem to do or say the right things to make it all turn out that way. I waste so much time focusing on the result that I lose track of the things that I have to do to get myself where I want to be. I let fear and pain and useless pride guide me, which all only serve to impede my happiness. Maybe if I just take a step back and look at where I am going rather than where I want to be, I will be able to find who I really am. I pretend to know what I want, but the truth is, I don't think any of us really do. We have ideas and theories about what we think we want, but when it comes down to it, we are all just as blind as the next one. In my ever-widening search for self-awareness, I lost the most important thing in life; myself. And I have now seen the results of it all. By letting myself get so caught up in me, I lost the only ones that ever really mattered in my life. I lost my present worrying about my future. So here's to slowing down and breathing deeply. Here's to looking in the mirror for another three seconds. Here's to establishing a vision of "the now" instead of "the later". Here's to finding me. And maybe somewhere down the line, I will find in myself the kind of person that she deserves. I can only hope.

Cold- Crossfade

Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right,
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold to you

I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
'Cause now I can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong, like a drug that got me high
I never meant to be so cold

I never really wanted you to see
That screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me there's just no hope
I never meant to be so cold

αγάπη πάντα

"I realize it all now. But I guess it is just too late. I've hurt her too much. I realized what was important in life. I realized what I was missing out on. I had a crazy night the other night and I had to play mother to a certain extent. and I never want to be like that. I don't want this life. I want better. I want carefree like when we met. I want paintings and photos and happiness. I want peace and to be earthy again. I want bliss to be kissing you (although I know that may not be possible) and bliss to be a good cup of tea. I don't want this "bliss" to be going and parting hard and living with a hangover. or not fully remembering the night before. that isn't living. That isn't natural. Alcohol has poisoned my body and I don't want it to touch my lips for a very long time. I want to listen to music and actually get it. and listen fully. to listen to the world fully and know who I am for once, or at least have a good idea. Live with my heart and passions and not live by stupidity and intoxication.
I want to feel the ebb and flow of the earth in my body. To feel zen again. To paint and to start with my pallet and my brushes but before I am even half way through to be using my leg and my fingers because nothing feels quite as wonderful as paint on your skin. The colors blend like they never could on paper, and when you use your fingers to actually apply the colors you can feel the art. You can move the colors around like you never would be able to with brushes. You are the painting.
I have come to an amazing place right now.
My vibe is right and my energy is where it needs to be.

This is who I am.
I just wish to share it with her.

I wish to touch her skin and just feel her cheek. Touch her with an ever so slight loving touch. I don't even know if I could handle touching her at all right now.
Just to be able to lay in bed beside her, and know that she is safe and next to me. That would be true harmony."

-June 24, 2009


I read these words for the first time tonight. I don't know how and I don't know why, but I found them. If she only knew how I missed that girl that I fell in love with. The girl with love constantly pouring from her heart. The one who's eyes only saw beauty, even in the ugliest of states. The one who always knew the words that my heart really meant, even if the words that came from my mouth were the opposite. The girl with paintbrushes for fingers. If she only knew how long I have wanted to be safely beside her, how many sleepless nights I have had, filled with longing of my heart to just let it all go and surrender to love. If I had only let go of my fear and let my heart win. If I could only tell her how I really feel...
It took nearly three months, but I finally figured out exactly how to tell her everything that I should have always said. I finally figured out the words that fit together well enough. I finally found at least some of the words she deserves. I prepared myself all night...
Now I know for sure that there is nothing I can do but let her go. Now I know that this is what she wants.

Where were these words of hers two months ago? Why did I not stumble across them during a time where I could have seen the light? They were just lost along with my unsaid words, deep inside of my head. Two months ago these words would have opened my eyes. Tonight...these words shattered me...

Relapse

She’ll give you everything you don’t know that you need,
won’t hesitate to take you on the ride of your life.
You’re so down and she’s the best thing you’ve ever seen.
You crave her, want her, have to have her…
Nothing else can give you that rush of fear and pleasure,
nothing else can make you feel so alive.
Once you get that first taste, she’s all you think about.
Beautiful, but oh god she makes you fall so hard.
You’re crushed, down for days and days
until you catch a glimpse of her again.
She’ll take you back into her roller coaster world.
You’ll never give her up, you’ll never let her go.
She’s one hell of an addiction,
and you’ll never be the same...


This is to empty warehouses and back alleys;
to grass stains on your knees and getting caught in the rain,
hiding yourself in corners and sobbing.
This is to handing over the control of your world;
to burying your heart in the palm of another's hands;
to the romance of hurting.

Killing Me- Graham Colton

The cars are passing down below, and all that's left of you is all your clothes
You left your key the TV's on, our picture's face down by the alarm clock radio
The only thing you ever wanted was for me to be here
To stay
But now you've gone away

I really don't know if it'd make it all better
But I let myself go and put it in a letter to you
I know I've been stupid and don't have a reason
But I'm trying not to ruin the one thing I believe in, you
It's killing me, killing you

I remember how you drove me mad
You'd leave your rings and jewelry by the bath
Waking up the bed sheets gone
Spend half the night trying to steal 'em back
And the only thing you ever wanted was for me to be here
To stay
But now you've gone away
I wish I could pick up the phone and tell you how I'm feeling
And tell you how I've changed
I'd tell you everything

I really don't know if it'd make it all better
But I let myself go and put it in a letter to you
'Cause I know I've been stupid and don't have a reason
But I'm trying not to ruin the one thing I believe in, you
It's killing me, killing you

'Cause you're all that I want, I'm pleading
You're all that I need, I need it
And now that you're gone, I see it

I really don't know if it'd make it all better
But I let myself go and put it in a letter to you
Let go, let go, I've gotta come back home to you
I know I've been stupid and don't have a reason
But I'm trying not to ruin the one thing I believe in, you
It's killing me, killing you

Faithfully Loved

I can't fluff this one with intricate wording and fancy synonyms, because I am pretty tired and my brain hasn't really been functioning properly lately. But I just wanted to say, for anyone who cares, that today was a very good day for me.
It started when Blake and I brought smoothies for the kids in the Buford housing projects this morning. Now these kids aren't what most of us would call "well-off" by any means when speaking in financial terms. Many of them only own one pair of pants and two shoes with six holes in each of them. They don't have trendy electric scooters or X Box 360's. In fact, as far as possessions go, they don't have much to speak of at all. Yet, when we arrived at the housing community today, I still got this overwhelming feeling of envy. I didn't quite understand it first, but after I thought about it for a while, I realized exactly what it was. For all of the material possessions these kids lack, they make up for in love, faith, and compassion. No matter what they seem to be missing in their lives, they have something that many of us will never fully possess; the capacity to fully appreciate. We take advantage of so much of what life offers us. The love we give and the love we receive, the air we breathe and the time we get. No matter what these kids long for in life, they can always rest assured in the fact that, no matter what, they always have each other. Humanity is often forgotten, but in the end, compassion and love are the only things that truly matter. Although these kids don't have much, they still manage to keep such strong faith. Their faith in God, and in people, and in life is absolutely astounding. And whether you believe in a higher power or not, the simple words of "God bless you, I will make sure to keep you in my prayers" coming from an obviously malnourished, eight year old boy in tattered clothing, is enough to bring tears to anyone's eyes. Their attitudes are just mind-blowing. Just saying.

I got to spend time with Wesley today too, which always manages to make even the worst day great. We went to a concert in Suwanee, the weather was beautiful, the music was great, and the sunset was breathtaking. And watching Wesley and my sister and her friends have so much fun just made me realize what is really important in life. I let all of the trivial arguments and the insignificant events of life get in the way of everything that I should be embracing wholeheartedly; love. And there is no love as great as the love you have for a child. His smiles and his laughs make my heart melt. His hugs and his kisses make me feel so safe. And his 'I love you''s make me love myself, even at my lowest times. You can never truly know unconditional love until you have loved a child. There is nothing that boy could do to ever make me love him any less. And just when I think I couldn't love him more, he steals my heart again. I carry a picture of him in my mind everywhere I go, and I can't even begin to count the times that that picture along has saved me from myself. He is my friend, my son, and my little hero, and I will devote my life to him. And if I can promise him nothing else, I can be sure that, forever and always, he will be faithfully loved.

Cigarette Lighter Love Song- Marvelous 3

And I know you're not asleep
I can feel you moving over there
You've been playing with the seam
In your worn out underwear

My lips are raw as hell
From biting on them just to stay awake
It's not like I'm gonna need them
You won't be around
To see them bleed and break

All that I do
Comes back to you
So I'll just think about you 'till there's nothing new in my head
All I can do
Is try not to screw this up again
And just be friends
I'd rather be dead

I drove out of East Atlanta
With a headache the size of my car
I called to say that I was okay, anyway
'Cause I know how you are

You know I'm like a movie without an ending
You know I've got nowhere to go
And it makes me wanna throw up
To see you wanna give up
More than you'll ever know

All that I do
Comes back to you
So I'll just think about you 'till there's nothing new in my head
All I can do
Is try not to screw this up again
And just be friends
I'd rather be dead

Everything's supposed to have a happy ending
But the record keeps skipping and the needle keeps bending
Like the road I'm driving to the bridge that has no end
I wanna take back everything that I've broken
But the bridges behind me are burning and smoking
I guess this is the end

Screaming Infidelities- Dashbard Confessional

I'm missing your bed, I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak
And this bottle of beast is taking me home

I'm cuddling close to blankets and sheets
You're not alone, and you're not discreet.
You make sure I know who's taking you home

I'm reading your note over again
There's not a word that I comprehend
Except when you signed it:
"I'll love you always and forever"

As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
and sit alone and wonder how you're making out
And as for me I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone, making out

I'm missing your laugh,
how did it break?
And when did your eyes
begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as you're pretending

I'm cuddling close to blankets and sheets
I am alone in my defeat
I wish I knew you were safely at home

I'm missing your bed, I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak
And this bottle of beast is taking me home

Well as for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
And sit alone and wonder how you're making out
And as for me I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone...

Your hair it's everywhere
screaming infidelities and taking its wear

So I have lost you forever. Now you are only a figure of my past, when you used to be my entire future. And all that time, we thought we were unbreakable, because we were so strong when we were good. We were each others strength. You may not be my lover, but you will forever be my best friend. And I wish I could tell you everything I feel, but I know that I won't. All I can say now is 'I'm sorry'. And of all the thousands of times you've heard it, know now that I am only sincere. And the world can say that I have it all, but we both know that that's not true. I will always be left without you. Just spare the words of 'I don't love you anymore'. I know you well enough to know. Please don't explain, let me continue dreaming. All I want to do is love you. And I always will, even if you won't let me, even if I know it's wrong. That perfect smile, those dazzling eyes, your lingering laugh. I will never forget everything that I never told you I loved. I don't know who I am without you, and so...I will stay.

Why does it always have to come down to you leaving before I say I love you? I know I'd never let you walk away, so why do I always push you 'till you break?

I know it wasn't perfect, but nothing ever is. You're sewn into the fabric, the pieces of my life. I just can't remember why we said goodbye. Everything I do leads me back to you. I know, I just can't let us go. There must have been a reason, but I can't remember now. You're sewn into the fabric, the pieces of my life.

I believe in your words and your eyes. And when you speak of your dreams, I realize that I will envy whoever you give your heart to. And I will never let you fade away. And I want you to know that I love you for all you are, and all that you will be. So in the end it's not just you with your memories and your scars. Fall on me if you ever forget how beautiful you are.

Flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end?

Across the Universe

And if you see her tonight, tell her I love her. For she has dreamy eyes, with a million galaxies caught inside. She carries the light in her lips, and in her hands you can find piano friendly fingers. If you see her tonight, tell her I love her. If she crosses your dreams, please do tell her. If you walk pass her side tomorrow, do say that I love her. Tell her that I’ll carry her eyes across the universe, tell her I’ll take her kiss to the moon. If you find her all alone in the rainy road, do talk to her, and please tell her I love her. If you happen to find her in the middle of a crowd, whisper to her that I love her.

She knows where to find me, where I'll never be gone. Tell her I’ll always be there for her, no matter the distance, she can always find me near. And if you find her, no matter where or when, tell her I love her. Maybe I’ll be up in the sky, maybe I’ll be the broken one, maybe I’ll be in another sea. But she knows where to find me, because she knows who I am. And she knows that I love her, I tell her everyday. But if you happen to see her tonight, please listen to the stars and tell her I love her. Tell her that all the stars in the sky are bright because of her, that the sun shines because of her, that she will see the girl in the mirror wink both her eyes to her. Tell her that she already knows, but still I want you to tell her, that I love her.

And maybe tomorrow, all the stars will shine, and her eyes shall cry no more tears. And maybe tomorrow she will fly away to see the world, and maybe tomorrow she’ll go to find her way. Please do tell her that I wish I could join her path. Please do tell her that I understand if she wants to go all alone, or at least not with me. Tell her I’ll never forget her, tell her I’ll carry her kiss across the universe. And maybe one day, or perhaps one night, down a mystery alley, or in the middle of a park, or right here beneath the stars; I’ll run into her, and then I’ll be the one to tell her, that I love her.

But if it is you, if it is you the one that will find her tonight, just tell her that I love her. And that I’m walking the earth, waiting for that night or day when I’ll look into her eyes again, and tell her I love her. Across the universe, I’ll tell her I love her.

Sleepless Thoughts

You are lost in this life, just as everybody else. But we all pretend we aren’t. And whatever we choose is the right thing, even when it's always wrong. But let me tell you as I once was told: there is no right and wrong way. There is no good and bad when it come to matters of the heart. There is no such thing as good and evil, because we will all be gone someday. And everyone tries so hard to get to heaven that all of us are just living to die. Everyone is lost in life. And the beauty of the burning sky is never the same as it was before.

But as today becomes tomorrow, all joy turns into sorrow. And after a short while, there are no more I love you's, no more tenderness, no more light. I have gone too far down the road that leads to desertion. I have opened my arms to fake love, to desperate love. I willingly gave my self to a hungry kiss that took my soul. And when she left me by the river, all alone under the pale moonlight, I realized then that she was nothing but a dream.

When I said I'd love you for eternity, I just never knew how true those words would be.

Now maybe solitude is the best option when my heart only aches for the hard work and satisfaction of an empty mind, an accompanied bed, and hanged drapes. But who's to know who my heart burns for? The mysteries of love are too big for reason. And one day it will all be gone forever; close enough to see, but much too far to touch. And one day she will be gone, and it is then that she will be all that you ache for. I never really knew who she was, and now I guess I never will. And this is my story.

My heart is yours; take it, destroy it, love it. I don’t care, I’m solely and completely yours.
We belong to this hell we call life, we believe in this love we call hell. And you will be gone, and this love will be gone, and preoccupied rain will fall. Don’t you doubt that, my love. Just give it some time. Enjoy the time before it all ends.

Yes, this is me. I am a lovefool

As Lovers Die

Every day and every night
I cry a thousand tears
for the one I love
who could never love me back

Every time I see her smile
I think of how it's been a while
since her smile was anything
relative to me

And it's all just a memory
a fleeting thought, in fleeting time
but every single memory
it breaks my heart
I just make it rhyme

To let her go is weakness
To keep her here is selfish
To want her more is to love her like I don't

But my strength is surely fading
and my courage is in the waiting
to let her leave is bound to make me cry

But there's nothing left to do but hope to try
'cause to love her is to die

The passion in our love
and the passion in our hate
it's what always keeps me
coming back for more

The faith of her beside me
and the fear of her denying me
cripples me always
in the same damn way

And it's all just a memory
a fleeting thought, in fleeting time
but every single memory
it breaks my heart
I just make it rhyme

I let it fall away
but the love will never fade
I shield my eyes
from the slowly burning sky
As lovers die

Cigarettes and Gasoline- Emerson Hart

Cigarettes and gasoline
Morning seas they call to me
I'm pulling line in the early light
Being seventeen
Good things

Far away from the painted doors
In the town where I was born
Where my heroes came before me
And the crowds called out for more
Good things

I am trolling the ocean for the soul of my father
Heavy sand kicks water and makes it like a ghost
He's waiting for me

Holding in and letting go
Freezing hands and coffee burns
Steering straight in a heavy tide
All these things I've learned
Good things

I am trolling the ocean for the soul of my father

Cigarettes and gasoline
Morning seas they call to me
I'm pulling line in the early light
Being seventeen
Good things
Good things