Always A Woman- Billy Joel

She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes.
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies,
and she only reveals what she wants you to see.
She hides like a child, but she's always a woman to me.

She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you.
She can ask for the truth, but she'll never believe you,
and she'll take what you give her as long it's free.
Yeah, she steals like a thief, but she's always a woman to me.

Oh, she takes care of herself.
She can wait if she wants, she's ahead of her time.
Oh, and she never gives out
and she never gives in,
she just changes her mind.

And she'll promise you more than the garden of Eden,
then she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding.
But she'll bring out the best and the worst you can be.
Blame it all on yourself 'cause she's always a woman to me.


She's frequently kind and she's suddenly cruel.
She can do as she pleases, she's nobody's fool.
And she can't be convicted, she's earned her degree.
And the most she will do is throw shadows at you,
but she's always a woman to me.

"Sacrifice"

"Sacrifice truly means ‘to make sacred’. By giving up something you really want, you are instead only hurting yourself; you are not making any relationship sacred. Even though you may give something up for someone, it is not sacrifice unless you are truly happy inside and without resentment. Anything short of this is truly superficial. Its only after you learn how to truly love yourself, making sacrifices becomes so much easier and accurate to its definition. Let me explain.
Sacrifice is never about giving up happiness but gaining even more happiness for yourself by making others happy. When you unconditionally love others, seeing them happy is what truly makes you happy. If they find happiness in what you have and you truly love them, giving it to them is really easy when you know that your happiness comes from within you and no where else. Sacrifices becomes very simple and no different than a side effect of true love. Sacrifice always originates from self when self is ready and should never be imposed or expected of you.
The act of sacrifice has been glorified but it has lost its meaning over time and lately associated with giving up for a long term benefit. But there is never any long term benefit gained from performing it in guilt, greed or force. In most cases, follow your instinct; in some where it is confusing, its best to wait and let the effects of time convince you. Do whatever it takes to balance between keeping yourself happy and doing things to keep others happy.
"

Always Midnight- Pat Monahan

Seems like it's always midnight;
sweeping up broken glass after every fight
with the sound of a train
that I could have been on
reminding me that the last one's gone.
With you,
it's always midnight.

Are you blind?
Can't you see me standing here
waiting in line
for you?
Are you mine?
Not just when you wanna be,
all of the time?
Are you blind?
Don't you see me standing here?
Won't you tell me what it is
I'm waiting to find?

You're right,
I must be crazy.
You're out getting high,
I'm here pretending I'm in love.
The sound of your heart,
my head on your chest,
dropped your hands to your sides
and gave up.
I'd rather be crazy than right
tonight.

Won't you tell me what it is
I'm waiting to find?

A way to get back to you,
a way to get out of here?
I don't want to be alone
at midnight anymore.
How do I get away?
Wanna see you in the daylight.
I don't wanna be afraid of
midnight anymore.

With the sound of a train
that I should have been on
reminding me that the last one's gone.
With you,
there's always midnight.

Are you blind?
Can't you see me standing here
waiting in line
for you?

With you,
it's Always Midnight.

If ever you start to doubt yourself,
just look at your son and remember all of the beauty
that you brought to this world.

Nothing can compare to that.

#3

Wow, another year has gone by. It seems like time goes by faster and faster every day.
You are three years old today and I can't believe it. I remember the day I met you like it was yesterday; your gorgeous brown eyes and your mother's smile. You were too young to know what was going on, but you still seemed so aware of everything. Of course, I was instantly in love.
Since that day, I have watched you grow and learn and mature, and I have fallen even more in love with you. Watching you grow had been a blessing of the greatest kind. I have learned things from you that I never could have foreseen myself ever knowing, and you have taught me many of life's greatest lessons. You are my hero and you make me proud every single day.
I know that you will do great things with your life, and I will be here for you every step of the way, I promise you that. You are one of my favorite people, and you always will be. I hope to be able to celebrate this day with you for years and years to come.
Happy birthday, Wes.

All of my love, forever and always,
Ash

IX.XIV.MMVII

Our Last Night- Better Than Ezra

We were standing in an empty room,
the moonlight was falling.
You were holding my hand when the car
pulled up for you.
And I could have spent a life with you,
but those days were over.
You were calling my name when your face faded from view.

And wasn't it you who told me
the sun would always chase the day?
Wasn't it you who told me...

Angels fly in the air tonight
saying, "wasn't it just like swimming out on the lake?"
Stars collide, and the air's alive.
Or was it just like those promises that you made
on our last night?

I remember waking up with you,
the days doing nothing.
You meant more to me then
than I think you ever knew.
But you were going to be a doctor, movie star, a poet at a Nobel seminar.
I hope the world never tore that out of you.

And wasn't it you who told me
the sun would always chase the day?
Or was it just like those promises that you made?

And what ever happened to the things you loved,
the songs we played in the older days?
What ever happened to the things you gave away?

I was waving as you drove away.
The sunlight was falling.
You were writing backwards in a dusty windowpane.
"Angels fly in the air tonight.
Saying, "wasn't it just like swimming out on the lake?
Stars collide, and the air's alive.
Or was it just like those promises that you made
on our last night?

For You, For Today.

Every day, I think about you.
Not a second goes by where you aren't there.
But do not feel proud.
I do not miss you.
The thoughts I have are not complimentary.
I despise everything that you now represent
because you stole the girl that I loved.
Now you are nothing like the person that I knew.
Now you are the fool who thinks you are in the right.

Everything you receive in this world is because of you
and only you.
Do not expel hatred onto the world and blame it for your sorrows.
Do not hurt those you love and say that they betrayed you.
This is how you lose the only ones who really care.

I see it now, how I spent so much time on you and received only one thing in return:
A release

You once said you were ready to forgive me.
I do not need your forgiveness.
I do not need your forgiveness, because you do not think that you need mine.
We both took punches, but we both gave them in return.
Your hands are not free of blood.
You are just blinded.

I think of you, but I do not miss you.
I loved you, but I do not love you.

A Letter to My Love

I have loved you all of my life, I am sure of this. I just wasn't always sure of who you were.

When you first came to me, I was wary. From the beginning, I felt a lot of things that I had never known before. I felt a relief. I felt a sense of belonging. I felt a sense of empowerment and commitment and understanding. All of that is a bit scary when it first comes. But now, my love, you have all of my heart. And now, my love, I am not the least bit afraid.

You have shown me things that I was blind to before. You have opened my eyes to a wonderful world of infinite wisdom, passion, and beauty. You have been my strength at some of my weakest moments. You have opened my mind.

If I have ever been in love, it was surely with you. And if true love really exists, I have found it in you. If forever is possibly, then you will forever have my heart. Of this, I am sure.

You are gorgeous, in every sense of the word. You are special. You are my number one. You are all of the beautiful parts of my life. And, for that, I will always be thankful.

Your love for me is, and always has been, unconditional. And, for that, I will always be grateful. I will always be here for you, the way you have always been there for me.

I know you are far too young to understand it now, but I hope that someday you will see all that you have done for me. I hope that you always know your strength and your worth, because the only things you have ever been to me are worthy and strong.

You, my son, are my first true love. You, my love, are my world.

Forever and always, no matter what,
Ash

Choice

You can shed tears because she has gone, or you can smile because she was once there.
You can close your eyes and pray she will come back, or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left you with.
You can let your heart be empty because you lost her, or you can let your heart be full of the love that you once got to share.
Life is full of choices. In the end, it is all up to you.

Fire and Ice- Robert Frost

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

Souvenirs- Mary Beth Maziarz

I could let you slip away;
just wait for rainy days.
But wouldn't that be failing us,
letting go too soon,
when everything I am still holds on to you?

And these souvenirs keep you here.
You're really somewhere down the road, I know,
but I'm still stranded here,
holding all these souvenirs.

I could hide somewhere,
pretend I didn't care,
fill my time with daily things until I'm numb.
But isn't all this feeling why we reach for love at all?
Isn't it the reason that we hear the call
for more than all?

These souvenirs keep you here.
You're really somewhere down the road, I know,
but I'm still stranded here,
holding all these souvenirs.

Wherever You Are- Celeste Prince

Time has come, what's done is done.
It's time to move on
to another place, another space,
maybe circling some other sun.
Don't ask why, don't ask how,
I still can`t explain.
To say goodbye, goodbye for now,
until I see you again

In the sunlight, that's where I'll be.
In the moonlight, close your eyes, you will see me.
In the sunrise, in the twilight,
I'll be the morning and the evening star.
I will be there with you wherever you are.

Life is strange, such joy and pain,
the betrayal and the kiss.
It may be meant to be, maybe destiny
leads us down a path like this.
A child is born, true love is sworn,
and all the in-between.
Well you just walk on, walk on until the path is gone,
learning love is the only everything.

In the sunlight, that's where I'll be.
In the moonlight, close your eyes, you will see me.
In the sunrise, in the twilight,
I'll be the morning and the evening star.
I will be there with you wherever you are.

The Widows of Impeccant Love

A house is standing on a hill
with a dimly-lit up light
And inside the house upon the hill
lives a hideous delight

The summer sun is setting in
around the wooden frame.
As widows raise the fallen arcs
and call the virtuous by name.

The virtuous speak in calming rhymes
as they travel to the call
And the widows, they just fall in line,
devoted to it all

Promenading, two-by-two,
across the garden floor,
the innocent take widowed hands
and die with them once more.

The virtuous speak loud and long
of their deep, unfailing love
and the widows use they breath they've saved
for their lovers left above.

But the virtuous stand lonely still
in a striking loss of trust
To see how they'll soon be widowed
by a lonely lover's lust

The Night of the Flightless, Fightless, and Foregone

The intentions of the night are obvious; it wants to steal my soul.
I walk the narrow city streets to the place I used to call my home.
The wind whispers passing gestures as my mind focuses on thoughts of you.

I am stuck in this night alone, with not an inch more room to self-destruct.
This is where I built my safety; in this hollow realm of written emotion.
Here, in this place, I am every one and I am no one.

You sure as hell did make me somebody, but I'm just somebody who nobody knows.
Because you know I'm only what I think of you.
And lately my thoughts are weak.

The dark sky rest its sturdy hand upon my eyes, desperate to make judgment.
Because I built my new home on the walls that you built around your heart.
And damn, it's cold here.

Your smile rests in the stars, mocking any bit of salvation I may once have found.
I am not desperate, I am only desperately wanting more.
Go ahead, tell me that I'm wrong.

I will keep my shelter in your dimly-lit streets.
The night will always be my last hope,
because the night is one thing that will never say goodbye.

Love

Oh Atlanta, Please Need Me Like I Needed You...

...let your sweaty embrace open wide. 'Cause Atlanta, I'm falling, like some people do, and I need all your ground to survive.

Dear Die-ary,

"I stared motionless,
before the mirror,
as always,
I stayed until I am convinced that there is no glass,
nothing,
separating me from the room I see on the other side.
I imagine that everything is different.
Over there.
Better.
There are people,
in that world,
who I would like.
But as always,
my hand hit the glass.
I know that if I'd only waited just one more second..."
~Johnny

Snuff- Slipknot

Bury all your secrets in my skin.
Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins.
The air around me still feels like a cage
and love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again.

So if you love me, let me go
and run away before I know.
My heart is just too dark to care.
I can't destroy what isn't there.

Deliver me into my fate.
If I'm alone I cannot hate.
I don't deserve to have you.
Oh, my smile was taken long ago.
If I can change, I hope I never know.

I still press your letters to my lips
and cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss.
I couldn't face a life without your lights,
but all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight.

So save your breath, I will not care,
I think I made it very clear.
You couldn't hate enough to love.
Is that supposed to be enough?

I only wish you weren't my friend,
then I could hurt you in the end.
I never claimed to be a saint,
oh, my own was banished long ago.
It took the death of hope to let you go.

So break yourself against my stones
and spit your pity in my soul.
You never needed any help,
you sold me out to save yourself.

And I won't listen to your shame,
You ran away, you're all the same.
Angels lie to keep control,
my love was punished long ago.
If you still care don?t ever let me know.

Someday, I could have my own children; that is something to want. I will give them yellow roses and, if they get too loud, I will send them to some quiet place. And I will kiss them every day and tell them, 'You don't have to be anybody, because I would know that being somebody doesn't make you anybody anyway.'

Good morning, Love

I woke up this morning to Wesley playing with my hair. When I opened my eyes, he smiled, hugged me and said, "hi, Mommy Ashley."
I love him more than anything.

Ex, Jane

She chose the name of Jane.
She lives off of cigarettes and champagne,
always looking for a thrill.

Stays out until the break of dawn,
wakes up wondering what's going on.
Happy ever after is what she's killed.

And everybody learns from someone else;
you can have what you want
but you just might lose yourself.

You'll never get it down until you know;
if you want to feel the heat,
you have to let your heart get cold
I don't really ever want to know.

I'm done will all the sappy rhymes
of jilted lovers and sorrowed times.
Of broken-hearted, desperate lines
and troubled, maddened, sickened minds.
Baby, you can't have me anymore.

"...Some days, I sit in my small apartment with my loneliness, an unwanted guest, the pain intense enough that I keep my arms wrapped around my middle. I can almost envision it in there- a tiny girl with dead eyes, sitting alone in the dark. I hold her tightly, trying to bring her back to life. On these days, I don't want anyone. Being alone feels more honest..."

It is amazing how we can spend our entire lives searching for who we think we want to be.
Sometimes we try so hard to find ourselves that we end up more lost.
Sometimes we just end up going in circles forever.
Sometimes we don't know that we're trying at all.
Whichever the case, we must never stop searching.

I stare at the moon and I think of you.
I can't help but wonder if you're thinking too.

The Last Time

“This is the last time,” she says, as she coyly presses her body against mine, her lips grazing my ear. The words echo in my head like bullets in a tin barrel, but I still can’t make myself believe them.
“I know,” I mouth to her, offering what I think she views as condolence.
I look deep into her eyes, hoping to see the girl that I wish that she was. But there is nothing inside of her but an empty, hollowness.

She kisses me. I feel it in my soul, as I had always hoped to; just as I always had. I knew in my heart that it wouldn’t be the last time, but the tears that slowly ran down my face showed her that my mind thought differently. I couldn’t let her see that I knew she was wrong.

She always was my downfall. She always was my strength, and she will always be my weakness. I still can’t really explain the yearning that I have for her. It is something that steals all of my soul and makes me abandon all control. Maybe that is really what has always drawn me to her. Maybe that inconceivable dispossession of something I have based my entire existence on is the one thing that sets me free. Either way, all of that comes from her presence. It comes solely from her existence in my life.

I feel the morning light being to break, burning its hourglass into the dark room that we used to rest in together.

This is the last time.

I look to my left and see her lying, face down, on the bed. I look to my right and see that the walls are painted a light shade of blue. It is amazing how things change. Even the most subtle of things can take you by such surprise.

I walk towards her, knowing that this is another moment of change, another letting go. Not for the first time, she is more than what I knew she was. I see in her a new kind of beauty. She is closer to me than before, but at the same, she is farther away.
Time has changed things, that is for sure.
Tonight, even her name sounds different.
Her touch is less credible, and her whispers are louder and less sincere.
The colors in her eyes seem mute; faded by my ruthlessness. They now mirror the blue on the wall as they attempt to mask (quite ineffectively) the sadness in her heart.

At this point, I know that it’s not going to stop. I have searched for a cure for this love for some time now, to no avail.

She looks to me.

I sigh.

“I still love you,” I say, as I walk out the door.

This is the last time.

"...I lie in bed and think about what I did. It is still too close to think too much about, the loss too raw. But knowing that he hurts makes me feel a little better. All the time that we were together, I got so little from him. I have to wonder if I did this in part to see if he cared. To prove to myself that I was loved. I don't like seeing this about myself. It's selfish and insensitive. Worse, it reminds me of something my mother might do, then claim herself as a victim..."

The Brilliant Dance- Dashboard

So you buried all your lover's clothes
and burned the letters Lover wrote,
but it doesn't make it any better.
Does it make it any better?

And the plaster dented from your fist
in the hall where you had your first kiss
reminds you that the memories will fade.

So this is strange;
our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance
where nobody leads at all.

And the picture frames are facing down,
and the ringing from this empty sound
is deafening and keeping you from sleep.
And breathing is a foreign task,
and thinking's just too much to ask,
and you're measuring your minutes
by a clock that's blinking eights.

This is incredible,
starving,
insatiable.
Yes, this is love for the first time.
Well you'd like to think that you were invincible.
Yeah, well, weren't we all once
before we felt loss for the first time?
Well this is the last time.

You meant nothing more
to me than everything.

Manchester Orchestra- Please, Don't Go

On the outside of your window I lie
and make all my plans for the week.
I can talk all night long about those that I love;
well who's strong and who's weak?

In her little black box, she keeps pictures of Jesus
and the bruises she received again.
In his little black box, he keeps his innocence
and the tears when he said "don't go..."

But she didn't listen, did she?
"Don't go, Darling, don't go"

Realizing that he didn't need her as much
as he needed fixing again
wasn't half as hard as he thought it was going to be.
Well, at least you're being honest

Don't go, but you never listen, do you?
Don't go, just go, don't go.

Can you hear my voice on the telephone,
trying to feel alive again?
Finally realized that I didn't need them at all,
much less to feel alive again.