"...I lie in bed and think about what I did. It is still too close to think too much about, the loss too raw. But knowing that he hurts makes me feel a little better. All the time that we were together, I got so little from him. I have to wonder if I did this in part to see if he cared. To prove to myself that I was loved. I don't like seeing this about myself. It's selfish and insensitive. Worse, it reminds me of something my mother might do, then claim herself as a victim..."