Last night, I looked back at all of my writing from the past three months. I was always so back and forth, and I can understand why she thinks I didn't ever want her back. But I can also see everywhere that I missed her. There is love and then there is hurt. There is sorrow and then there is anger. And all of the love that I had in my head and in my heart was never verbalized, at least not to her. Knowing everything I know now, I would have done a lot of things differently. I try to hate her because it's better than missing her, the anger is better than the pain. But in the end, that only made me miss her more. And it only pushed her away and made her bitter. Everything that I thought I was doing right was everything that I never should have done. And now she's gone. I lost everything. I wish I could tell her that I miss her, but just like before, I could never find the words. And especially now, I don't think she wants to hear them. She is over me, and after everything that I put her through, I don't think she could ever be in love with me again. I don't think she will ever want me back. And the fool in me who walked out, is the fool that just wont ask.
I know that we have a lot to work out, but I would be willing to do anything in my power to make our love work, to make our family work. I just wish that I could ask for another chance.