Eight Pages Later

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. A lot of reading, a lot of writing, a lot of "soul searching" I guess you could say. I replay situations in my head incessantly, thinking of things that I did wrong, things I did right, and things that I should have done differently. I cannot say that I have no regrets, because that would be lying. But I can say that I am thankful for many of the experience I have had. These experiences have brought on realizations that nothing else could have. I regret the hurting that I did, but at least now I can say that I learned from those mistakes. now, I am devoted and I am passionate. I am strong and I am weak. I am focused and I am in love.
I try to put my feelings on paper, and even eight pages later, I still can't put it all into words. I know how I feel, but I can never seem to say it confidently or show it right. And that is what I am working on. I need to be whatever she needs, whatever she wants. I need to be perceptive and open, compassionate and understanding, and distanced yet dependable. I want to give her all of the love in the world, and right now, I am going to love her as my best friend, because that is what she is. I want her to know that she can always count on me, and it is my mission to prove that to her.
As much as this has hurt us, I know that we have both learned so much. I am seeing sides of her that I was too blinded to see before, sides that bring my heart closer and closer to her. And I am seeing sides of myself that I never even knew existed, some good, some bad. I now know better what I need to do and what I need to stop doing. I am viewing this point in my life as a time of learning, changing, and growing.

Our minds teach us that we should be wary in matters of the heart. But now I know that in this life, I don't want to be wise, I want to be in love.

I'm so much like you, caught in a moment, coming unglued. In a world so big, it's not easy to choose which path to take, which pawn to move. We'll let go of everything we've ever known. You and I will ride tonight, until the past is out of sight, we don't have to look back now. We are knocking down the walls. We can stand together...