Surreal

It's like a bad dream. It is a nightmare I've always had but that I never thought I would ever see in real life.
It is like everything that we had been working towards suddenly fell down in one instant.
But as much as this whole situation is breaking my heart, I have to remember that this is not about me.
This is not about us.
This is about her.
I have to put aside all of my feelings for her, all of my desires, and all of my emotions, and focus on this. This is the only thing that matters right now.
I want to help her-so badly I want to help her-but at this point I doubt she would ever let me.
She feels like I betrayed her, when I felt like doing anything besides what I did would have been betraying her.
I want to be her friend.
I am just so afraid that I lost her again.
It all feels so surreal, but so realistic at the same time.
It is like a roller coaster of thoughts in my mind, and I don't know which way is up.
I can only hope that we get through this together, as we have gotten through everything else.
And I hope that she knows how much I have always loved her.

No matter what happens, just know that I'm not going anywhere. Something in me knows that I need you forever. So you work on the now, and I'll work on the forever.

Now we wait and try to find another mistake.
If you throw it all away
then maybe you could change your mind.
And maybe, someday, we'll figure all this out,
try to put an end to all our doubt,
try to find a way to make things better now.
Maybe, someday, we'll live our lives out loud.
We'll be better off somehow, someday.

She'll take you for a ride,
show you a whole new side of life.
She'll turn your world upside down, inside out.
But once you feel her,
you know that you could never let her go.