Distracting

This weekend was a lot of fun; I don't think I've been that social in a long while. It was nice, meeting new people, talking to girls, taking my mind off of all of those things that wear me down, at least for a little while. But I realized this morning when I woke up that that's all that it is; a distraction.

Of the three phone numbers I got this weekend, I probably wont call any of them; I don't really have much interest. I know that I'm not at a point yet where I am ready to start dating again, but almost six months later, you would think I'd be ready to at least start talking to people. I can't even really make myself do that, I just come across as entirely disinterested. I find that every time I talk to a girl, I am only comparing, and because of that, I have yet to be genuinely interested in anyone.

I know that time will make it better. It has to, right? That's what everyone's always telling me. I just wish it were all different. I wish we had ended on better terms, or better yet never ended at all, and I wish that the dynamic of our relationship now was different. If she only knew how much I still miss her. Not just being with her, but her in general. Not necessarily her as my partner, but her as a person. Maybe someday I will build up the resistance to move forward.

Just fade away, please let me stay caught in your way. I could live forever here.