Late-Night Memories

Last night I had to drive through Suwanee to get home. I passed her mom's house; the first place I met her. I passed the Waffle House that we went to, many times, late at night. I passed the restaurant where we went on our first date and the gas station that I pulled into later that night to call Melissa and tell her how in love I was. I passed the Wendy's that I parked at while waiting for Laurie to come rescue me in her penguin pajamas when my car almost exploded on the highway.
The song playing on my radio hit close to home. "...if you miss it again, miss it again, I'm around." As I listened to the music and thought about everything, I started to cry. It was the first time I have cried over her in nearly a month. But...it was the first time that I have cried over her and it actually felt good.

It was more than two years ago that we met. She was perfection in my mind; smart, witty, gentle, compassionate, motivated, genuine, and the list goes on. She was just one of those people who captivates you, mind, body, and soul. Her smile was sweet and her touch was soft. She was the most genuine, honest person I had ever known. I was a dorky, prepubescent romantic who was excited to start a new chapter in my life; a family. We fit together remarkably well and I saw my future with her almost instantly. I loved her like I had never loved anyone, and I loved loving her. I was fascinated by the idea that I could be so perfectly and passionately in love with someone. The sun felt warmer and the wind felt crisper and life just felt lighter. She was my strength, and I knew that I wanted that for the rest of my life.
We were happy for a long time. We grew close and we fell in love. Through everyone's eyes, we were a perfect fit. But times change and things change and people change. It happened gradually, but I realized it all at one moment that she was not the girl that I fell in love with. A lot of the things that I had loved most about her were gone. I in no way fault her for that; it's life, and I know that I have changed too. We can't deny the fact that time changes people and people change people, but I sure as hell tried my best for a long time. A lot of my own denial of that fact was just a result of my stout objections to reality, which have existed my entire life. And those objections served as a protection of my love for her. I didn't want to let go of that passion and that romance that we had.
For nearly a year, every sappy love song that I heard and every romantic book that I read reminded me of her. Every "I miss you and I will always love you, even if we aren't together but someday I know we will be back together again because we have too much love for each other to not be together"movie reminded me of the fact that I couldn't let her go. I had this idea that if I held on, just a little longer, she would eventually realize that we are supposed to be together. I thought that if I put my life on hold and waited around for that day to come that it would prove to her that she is the only one that I want, the only one who is that important to me. Every so often I saw glimpses of the person she used to be, and I held onto that so tightly. I would remember those short moments and I would foolishly think that I could get her back to that point. I didn't want to let the "old her" go. I thought I could somehow bring her back to the times where we were in love and she would see what we could have again. But now, months later, I think differently. I know now that we are very different, and as much as the hopeless romantic in me wants to sit here and say that I will wait around forever, I know that is pointless. I need to move on and let her move on. I know now that I will be okay without her.
I still love her very, very much and I am certain that a part of me will always love her, but that part of me loves her for who she was two years ago, not who she is now. It was difficult for me to come to the realization that the girl I fell in love with doesn't exist anymore, but now that I have realized that, I know that I can honestly move forward.
If it's one thing I have realized in life, it's that nothing is set in stone; anything can happen, no matter how much you think it never could. So the idea that we will be that family again someday will always be in the back of my mind, but I can't just sit and waste my life away with waiting for that. I know that, in time, I will find someone else who I will love passionately and unconditionally for everything they are, and I am certain that she will find someone who loves her for everything she is now.

So, to my best friend:
You are strong. You are smart. You are beautiful. You are everything you want to be and more. The love you had for me saved me from myself many times, and for that, I owe you my life. You will always have a place in my heart, and I wish you only the best in everything you do, always and forever, no matter what.